pair annihilation

.

2009-10-25T14:13:00.001-07:00

Only I can get my heart broken whilst asleep and wake up weeping from a dream, clutching the last vestiges of a faithless smoke screen.
Only I can, then, squeeze my eyes shut and pray fervently for my mind to drift back to that believable haze so I can convince you not to leave.
Only I, who has helped a hundred, can find myself unable to sever and erase the past tense from my memory.
Only I, can be this 'morbid'.

2009-10-18T12:05:00.000-07:00

Kaisay kuch loag bichartay hain...

2009-10-08T07:06:00.000-07:00

I feel like a tree tht's thick n strng n tall, frevr close to the sun bt nvr to the ground below where new spring flowr saps wud b birthd in a bed of forevr dewy grass n marshy land. I feel ive missd out on important thngs whyl being tht tree, tht grew up tall in the first place to stop the sun frm takng the dew. I feel exhausted n cheated.

Champions Trophy 09

2009-10-02T07:11:00.000-07:00

Aus vs Eng (1st semi)

Commentator: So, did u always say "please" and "thankyou" in ur time?

Ravi Shastri: only in Pakistan where there arn't any neutral umpires

< yo, ravi, man, i hope us Pakistanis fuckd u gud n proper bck tht time jst like v did ths tournament. No wondr u stil remembr wht v were like. Fckng assholes. What a bunch ov sore losers u guys are! >

2009-09-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

I loathe you. But I loathe myself even more.

2009-09-14T06:08:00.001-07:00

She'd scream bt nbdy wd answr hr. She'd whspr n only the walls wd whspr bk. She'd sit in the path ov the gvng, bt wd rcev nthng in rtrn. Lmpd n xhaustd, she lukd skywrd n nvr laid eyes on hr soul again. Flesh mongr, she ws thn calld.

2009-07-27T07:45:00.001-07:00

My city burns
the leaves ashen, fall to heat
grain, dust never settle
and my numb people...
They bear the burden ov a countless deaths
faces a hopeless and grey

They walk a zombie walk
they talk in hushd tones; a grotesque talk
children dont run whn my city burns
they play the hangman game
a murderous axe hangs above
my city burns a slow death

My people lie in a drug haze
waters dont give us shining pearls
covered in red, they smell of fear, injustice
the sun eclipsed forevr, moon lends no helpng hand

My city burns and my people
they close the doors firmly
and celebrate the martydom
of the unborn and the living

My city burns...
My city burns.

2009-07-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

I knw he's dyng. As each day dawns, it mite b hs last sunrise. As nite falls, he may nvr wake up again. I dnt knw hw to do ths anymore. With each second passng, i lose a bit of hm. My heart hurts real bad. I dnt sleep, i'd rathr listn to hm breathng all nite. Im so scared. Please. Dont make hm leave me. I dnt knw wht to do. Hw to stop hm frm leavng. Hw to stop u frm takng hm... I dnt knw

2009-07-20T12:18:00.001-07:00

Dekho duur ik laash pari hai,

Chorahay k daa'en janib,

Konay pr sunsaan gali k,

Kachra kundi dekh rahay ho?

Us k pas lahu me luthri,

Khaak aaluda bikhri bikhri,

Ghair ya apna,kon hai janay!

Aao dekhein aur pehchanein,

Naqsh mita dalay goli ne,

Rangat khoon me doob gai hai,

Jaib tatolo,kia rakha hai?

Ye do khoon se tr gajrey hen,

Das das k 2 note rakhay hen,

Haath jo neechay dba hua hai,

Is ki sakht garift me kia hai?

Shayad hai school ka basta,

Jaib se ye kia jhaank raha hai,

Ik parcha hai,khat hai shayed,

Tooti phooti c urdu me,

Rang brangi pencilon k,

Sb rangon se likha hua hai,

"Aj jo bhooly basta mera,

Kutti ho jae gi tmse,

Taafi aur biscuit b lana,

Pyarey abu jaldi aana"

Missed.

2009-07-16T11:11:00.000-07:00

Remembr how i once said, "u hav so many ppl around u, if one goes missing, u won't notice"?

Turns out, i was right.

2009-07-11T10:25:00.001-07:00

Im writing a book. I jst dnt knw if i want ppl to read it.

Also, the Presidnt ov Pakistan, alng wth hs ntire govt body, is an idiot.

Bloody Donkeys

2009-06-25T09:38:00.000-07:00

A little boy wanted Rs.50 very badly & prayed for weeks but nothing happened.
Finally he decided to write God a letter requesting Rs.50.
When the postal authorities recieved the letter adressed to GOD, PAKISTAN, they decided to fwd it to the Finance Ministr of Pakistan as a joke.
The Finance Ministr was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy Rs.20, thinkng this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy & he won't get spoiled.
The little boy ws delighted with Rs.20 & decided to write a thankyou note to God, which read: "Dear God, thankyou very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that you sent it through the Finance Minister in Islamabad & those bloody donkeys deducted Rs.30 in taxes!"

Only once.

2009-06-15T12:56:00.001-07:00

once
and for once in all
i have lived in a shallow cave
a near- dry river flows by
one, a single, flower blooms at mid day
the sun refuses to light the time...
if, a sleepy gaze of the eye
an empty moon lulls it back to sleep

once
a sparkle: shiny, smooth, shiny still
worn crushed: powdered, de glazed

and once
the hand reaches out by me
pulls, pulls, takes the pretty flower
i shed, tears, silent, laughing sorrows
pain, etched misery; once

once.

2009-06-02T04:42:00.001-07:00

I went shoppng tday, nt the kind whn u dress up (dressing up: wearing nice pants instead of shalwar, co- ordinatd earings, bags, shoes, fake- designr shades) and go to Bareezé, Kapas or J. etc, bt whn u simply pik ur car keys up, reassure tht u, indeed, r supportng ur dupatta n ur handbag (multi purpose, lots ov pockets) n simply go to shop for house utilities. So, anyway, as i ws abt to leav, my youngr sib (who had jst nw woken up; doing only- the- Lord- knws-wht the ntire nite ) wishd rathr woefully fr a pizza. Nw since PH r asses n dnt dlivr an ordr fr less thn 250/- (n he wantd tht 144/- deal), "gettng pizza" went strait up my list. Leavng, made a quick stop at an ATM (got my salary tday! Yippiee), which turnd out 2b not- so- quick. An Aunty (i refuse to call hr by any othr name), had aparntly gottn hr card stuck n nw, armd wth a hair pin, ws jabbng the poor machine in hopes of gettng the card bck. Quite obviously, the machine didnt let up (mimicking hr husband most probably). Aftr being fascinatd for abt 8 mints, my "patience well" had gottn its full taste ov curiosity n ws running rathr low. I movd to anthr one- link, gt my money out n braked whn i saw a prime parking location infrnt ov the whole- sellers (since v always buy a month's stuff, othr thn FMCGs). I had jst ntrd the shop, sed hi, hw r u?, n askd abt hs entire aulad whn my mobile beepd (yeah, it beeps like Meredith Grey's beepr n yeah, it's jst as imp!). I had totally forgottn abt the pizza. Urgh. The bear was frustratd, the youngr one ws hungry! As i left the whole- sellrs, the keepr ws baffld n i ws nearly in tears. Wud i evr find anthr parkng spot like ths? As xpctd, the PH ppl were ovrly chummy (borderng on Type 2 diabetes) n atleast 3 ppl (xcludng the door man) made a whole deal ov sayng thankyous. Disgustd (yes, im nt so kind), i left the almost charsi- happy place n dlivrd the pizza to the dumab man at home. "Pepsi he lye ho na?", i ws askd. I simply walkd bck 2 my car and keepng my fingrs crossd, proceeded to the markt once again. Yes, the parkng ws gone n urs truly had to park 3 shops away. "Baita, paisay ghar bhool ayen theen?", he (no more "uncle") chuckd. Asshole, i muttrd undr my breath n startd browsing through the aisles. Amma, who ws wth me the ntire time, kept remindng me hw v dnt need tooth pastes (abba wil gt thm in the eve), cans ov beans (v already hav 4 lyng in the cabinets), olive oil ("yeh acha nai lag raha... Shayad xpired hai"), dove soaps (v dnt hv any space to keep them) n on n on n on. I knew wht ws goin on: abba n mama hate it whn i spnd my salary on house supplies. Therefore, amma and hr elbowng were firmly ignord n i shoppd to my dil's content. Frm there, Bakewell ws the nxt stop where a dumb man kept knockng on my gari's window evn aftr repeatd shoo- shooing n maaf- kero- baba. Finally, 10/- baild us out. Needless to say, i went in alone, askng ma to keep an eye on the car (always works!). Loaded, as i came out, the same baba startd followng me, yt again. Hwevr, a fixd stare soon got rid of hm n as i sat myslf in the car, "gas kub dalwani hai?", greetd me. "ubhi ma", i dutifully replied n got on the road to the pump. The pump, is an awkward place. Half the men, while tryng to b polite, stumble on their wordngs while rest ov the miserabl lot jst stares n wonders why women dnt stay at home. Finally, gettng the gas n payng 57p xtra, v trudgd along to our house, tired n sweaty n fully acknwldgng the fact tht v had frgottn atleast 3 thngs.

Yeah, call me a brat but...

2009-05-16T11:31:00.003-07:00

Quit being an ass, you stupid nation of over confident, anemic-and-obese-at-the-same-time enron runners, stubborn and pig headed, over grown bullies. So what if we're hoarding nuclear weapons? So what if we don't want to give them up? And we don't like sharing ours either. Play with your damn toys! Doesn't matter how we got them, they are ours!! Deal with it. And oh, how's the osama-and-swine fever going for you guys :p

If you see it, it's mine
If you touch it, it's mine
If it's broken, it's yours...
But I still get to keep the pieces!

Dnt want to want it

2009-05-11T08:28:00.000-07:00

I dnt want to. Bt i miss u. I mite nt b the person u'd like nw, u mite nt associate wth the person I'v bcum. Bt, i do miss u. I'd still like to sing n dance with u. I'd still like to b held by u. Evn though i dnt want to want it.

2009-04-23T22:40:00.000-07:00

Things make no bloody sense anymore. Its bullshit and its unfair. Its bloody demeaning too. Atleast give me some credit, i deserve a little respect, dont go on treating me like anybody or everybody else. I did spend 7 years of my life with you and really... You dont need to come up with small talk just before my birthday so it wont be awkward when you call to wish me.
I'm sick of this bakwas. I'm sick of you having your mood swings and i'm sick of you being an ass and i'm sick of being patient, waiting for your moods to pass or your phases to get better. I'm sick of being sick.
Let me go, because i cant. I've spent too much time with you to let you go. I've loved you with too much faith to let you go one day.
Stay and love me, or just go... Just go.

2009-04-16T10:35:00.000-07:00

U knw man, if a supposd frnd ws going out wth anybdy, u thnk they'd hav the decency to atleast tel u bfore u found out frm smbdy totally random in an insignificant cnversation

2009-04-10T07:10:00.001-07:00

Please.

2009-03-28T07:29:00.001-07:00

Sometimes a piece of sun, burned like a coin in my hand

I remembered you with my soul clenched in that sadness of mine you know

-pablo neruda

The Drunk

2009-03-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, it is such a bore to just lay back like a third party and view whatever's going on around you. i know, i know. most of us have had the experience of floating *even in the absence of liquor*, time standing still *no hash involved*, people passing by *no pills either* and blah blah blah. but really, when this starts happening to you too soon, too often, you really need to get up from your comfortable couch and have a serious look around: are you dead? if not, then ure prolly going to... very very soon.

life is a shitty bubble. u stay init, ure screwed. u get outta it, well... do i need to elaborate the farts and the stink? but such is the circumstance, that u do get out, u do smell the stink and u do meet farts. then u try to go back into that shitty bubble of urs and realize that sm asshole has already taken the key, has moved in and is now bent on making it miserable for you even more. what can one do, short of putting a gun to one's head? one rests...

self deprecating laughs are sometimes so wholesome that it boggles the mind. but if u say this to a psychologist, ure in for a treat... and he's in for a whole lotta money. i think i remmember some incidents and i think i remember them clearly enough to come up with some solid facts. but the thing with memories is that u cant possibly use them as an argument. "oh, i didnt mean THAT", or "oh? is THAT what you thought?" are some of the most often used counter- arguments that mean to shut u up. irony: u cant do anythng else but to shut up... and save whatever dignity uve gotten left... and run!

anyway, i dont know what's up with everybody i know. they act so predictably correct that it has become oh- so- boring. why dont u meet me? lets have a party! hey, lissen, wanna meet up? NO MAN, I DONT WANT TO MEET UP! YOU BORE ME. U IRRITATE ME. U ANNOY ME. NO, I DONT THINK WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK... i wish i could say all that really loud. but i cant. supposed to be rude. go figure.

what i dont understand is have people been left with no shame? how can u say one thing and then deny it the next moment because of the fear of opposition? i have been given the oppertunity to say i- told- you- so a million times, but dont know why i defer from it. mebbe im a hypocritical being too. wouldn't that be a hoot!

so anyway, this woman i work with is so stuck up that she just HAS TO compete with everyone in everything and everywhere. Give it a break, lady. nobody wants to be in the book of records with you. take the position. hell, take all the positions. see if anyone of us cares. but noooo. sometimes, it takes all my courage just to snap my head back from her stare *prehhty lesbian, if i say so myself* and continue as if nothing went wrong in my body, as if a mighty explosion didnt shake my nerves like a godamn quake. but as they say, it only makes u tougher... or look the part atleast.

my birthday is coming up. i just want smbdy to take me from all this chaos and mess as my present. anywhere wud be good. calm peaceful. wherevr there arnt any decisions to be made, early morning chats would be somethng to look forward to and where i wud be a little loved. im turning 25. i dont like the person ive turned to.

signing off: the drunkard.

2009-03-15T05:31:00.000-07:00

A Random thought !

Politics. Why oh why, I wonder, are the people who live in a 'democratic' country whining about the (insane) decisions of the (insane) President that they voted in power? It's okay people the bright side is, there is a lesson to be learned here. Assuming that we even have a country four years from now, we now know that we should 'not' elect illiterate (insane) idiots into office simply because they're riding on the shoulders of their dead wife.

~ ZILL • E • ILLAHI ~

ref: http://zilleillahi.blogspot.com/

The Stray Dog

2009-02-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

Whn wil u speak up?
ths life is jst too hard
told to compromise the start
beat ov consistnt drums
who cud evr gt away
ppl die a silent death
hips sway...

eternity in waitng,
mumbling in the dark
strength ebbs away
thngs flow array

stones n pebbles
sticks n creeps
i hungr frm a death
my breath doesnt leave

fingrprints n foot casts
dirt streaks, bike marks
souls like sharks n dogs...
Forevr bark, bark, bark!

Luk at u
solace in silence n eyes downcast
whn wil u luk up, mar the earth?
it pours, it blows
it makes a loud blast

raise, rise, death is nt an end
a small curve it is, a mere bend
ask fr frgvnes, cntinue to light
sight ur dstiny n do thngs right... use ur might
nvr gv up a fight

whn wil u speak up
whn wil u try?
my soul grows weary
thngs pass by

chew off a large piece
work ur bite
nvr let a man down
nor evr hide

-rooj

'Roadside'

2009-01-21T06:18:00.000-08:00

Tell me what I'm s'posed to do,

With all these leftover feelings of you,

'Cause I don't know,

And tell me how I'm s'posed to feel,

When all these nightmares become real,

'Cause I don't know,

And I don't think, you see the places inside me that I find you,

And I don't know, how we separate the lies here from the truth,

And I don't know, how we woke up one day somehow thought we knew,

Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me, at the Roadside,

And hang me, up and out to dry,

So leave me, at the Roadside,

And hang me, up and out to dry,

And I don't think, you see the places inside me that I find you,

And I don't know, how we woke up one day somehow thought we knew,

Exactly what we're supposed to do.

So leave me, at the Roadside,
And hang me, up and out to dry,
So leave me, at the Roadside,
And hang me, up and out to dry,

And I don't think, you see the places inside me that I find you,
And I don't know, how we woke up one day somehow thought we knew,
Exactly what we're supposed to do.

ullu ka patha!

2009-01-18T07:00:00.000-08:00

This is that phase of my life where i am just waiting for something to happen so i can cry buckets of tears. and ironically, nothing is happening. i just keep seeing zardari aka ullu ka patha on the TV and in the papers all the time and no, i just will NOT cry looking at him. they maybe worthless, but my tears will not be wasted on him atleast. also, again, atif aslam is GAY!