Sometimes a piece of sun, burned like a coin in my hand

I remembered you with my soul clenched in that sadness of mine you know

-pablo neruda

The Drunk

Sometimes, it is such a bore to just lay back like a third party and view whatever's going on around you. i know, i know. most of us have had the experience of floating *even in the absence of liquor*, time standing still *no hash involved*, people passing by *no pills either* and blah blah blah. but really, when this starts happening to you too soon, too often, you really need to get up from your comfortable couch and have a serious look around: are you dead? if not, then ure prolly going to... very very soon.

life is a shitty bubble. u stay init, ure screwed. u get outta it, well... do i need to elaborate the farts and the stink? but such is the circumstance, that u do get out, u do smell the stink and u do meet farts. then u try to go back into that shitty bubble of urs and realize that sm asshole has already taken the key, has moved in and is now bent on making it miserable for you even more. what can one do, short of putting a gun to one's head? one rests...

self deprecating laughs are sometimes so wholesome that it boggles the mind. but if u say this to a psychologist, ure in for a treat... and he's in for a whole lotta money. i think i remmember some incidents and i think i remember them clearly enough to come up with some solid facts. but the thing with memories is that u cant possibly use them as an argument. "oh, i didnt mean THAT", or "oh? is THAT what you thought?" are some of the most often used counter- arguments that mean to shut u up. irony: u cant do anythng else but to shut up... and save whatever dignity uve gotten left... and run!

anyway, i dont know what's up with everybody i know. they act so predictably correct that it has become oh- so- boring. why dont u meet me? lets have a party! hey, lissen, wanna meet up? NO MAN, I DONT WANT TO MEET UP! YOU BORE ME. U IRRITATE ME. U ANNOY ME. NO, I DONT THINK WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK... i wish i could say all that really loud. but i cant. supposed to be rude. go figure.

what i dont understand is have people been left with no shame? how can u say one thing and then deny it the next moment because of the fear of opposition? i have been given the oppertunity to say i- told- you- so a million times, but dont know why i defer from it. mebbe im a hypocritical being too. wouldn't that be a hoot!

so anyway, this woman i work with is so stuck up that she just HAS TO compete with everyone in everything and everywhere. Give it a break, lady. nobody wants to be in the book of records with you. take the position. hell, take all the positions. see if anyone of us cares. but noooo. sometimes, it takes all my courage just to snap my head back from her stare *prehhty lesbian, if i say so myself* and continue as if nothing went wrong in my body, as if a mighty explosion didnt shake my nerves like a godamn quake. but as they say, it only makes u tougher... or look the part atleast.

my birthday is coming up. i just want smbdy to take me from all this chaos and mess as my present. anywhere wud be good. calm peaceful. wherevr there arnt any decisions to be made, early morning chats would be somethng to look forward to and where i wud be a little loved. im turning 25. i dont like the person ive turned to.

signing off: the drunkard.

A Random thought !

Politics. Why oh why, I wonder, are the people who live in a 'democratic' country whining about the (insane) decisions of the (insane) President that they voted in power? It's okay people the bright side is, there is a lesson to be learned here. Assuming that we even have a country four years from now, we now know that we should 'not' elect illiterate (insane) idiots into office simply because they're riding on the shoulders of their dead wife.

~ ZILL • E • ILLAHI ~

ref: http://zilleillahi.blogspot.com/