He was so special that when he became just 'ordinary', my world fell apart.

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This time, I do not wish to be brave. I would like to bawl and cry like a baby. I would like to tell him, “you know what? No! No, I can’t do this anymore. I will break if this happens. This time, I want you to take care of me. To put me first. To at least think of me…” But I also know, as do the rest of the people who claim to know me, that I’ll never do this. I’ll never be able to wipe the smile off my face and show him the crack in this façade. It’s like a disease. A malignant tumor that just won’t go away.

Do I like the pain? No, I don’t. Just like I don’t like knowing that’s it’s over even before it actually is. If not this, then how can anything else be perfect? If not you, then how can anybody else claim me? My clothes smell of you :(

Maybe this is being selfish. But I want you for me. I am nobody without you. I can’t even hold a conversation with anybody else. I don’t want to be anywhere without you. I don’t. I just don’t… What is so wrong in that? Why won’t you just let me do this? I am not asking for anything in return. I will never cry infront of you. I won’t make you remember things. I won’t. I won’t ask you to keep promises. I won’t ask you to make any. I won’t ask you to woo me; to buy me candies or flowers, to court me. I won’t ask for anything…

This is the end. I just know it is. It’s like the last flicker of a candle flame. It won’t last. And then I’ll have people coaxing me to socialize; to get out more. They’ll want me to talk to them and when I won’t, they’ll just think me frigid and leave. They’ll assume I don’t trust them enough. But what will I ever tell them? What is there to tell? How can you tell in words what I feel? I couldn’t say them to you; how will I ever be able to tell them?

I am selfish. I want you for me. I want this. This is perfect. Yes, I want perfection for myself. Is that too big for me to ask? Have I not done enough? Have I not paid my debts to everybody? How much more?

I give up. I admit it. I give up.
Just let me have you.
Please.