Those lil calls frm you...

dear someone,

i dont know if u'll get to read it or not, or will you actually know dat its abt yew and nobody else. i dont know if you'll ever know wat i ever said was true or not and i dont know if u still think my words are the same for evribdy and u cant find any magic in them anymore... i dont know if u eva found any in anywords...

i dont know where you are, what ure thinking, and how ure going through life. i dont even know if ure alrite or not. all i know is that it really hurts. all i know is dat i am really sorry for losing you amongst the rush of time. all i know is that i miss yew. i dont know if i want you back wid the person ive become.

dear someone, its not that i cant go on living without yew, its just that its really really hard. i miss yew, dear someone, not wholly, but lil lil parts of yew dat used to matter so much at a time. i miss your lame jokes and stupid attemmpts to make me laugh.. i miss your guidance... i miss your mess ups... i miss your calls... u remember those calls??? they used to come at the most bizarrest of tyms, wen nobody would bother abt any other human being even if the person was dying. those small talks... of you neva sitting wid me during class.. of yew acting too cool fer me... of yew asking me wen u cud cum home... of yew being all civilized infront of my family...

of you being there without actually being there... of yew knowing how much i used to hurt... of me neva having to speak another word to tell you what wrongs i did... of u understanding and telling me stuff... of you supplying the tissue papers wen i cried... of yew telling me dat it wont hurt after some tym... of u getting really low grades and of me getting really upset...

of you being you and letting me being me...

dear someone, i miss all of that. my tears dont come nao, not cuz they've dried, but cuz u arent here to c them. i smile, not cuz i feel like doing it, but cuz people dont give a shit anymore abt me and these are the times wen i desperately want my cell to ring, but it never does. i pray that it wud but, really, it never does. and dats the thing i miss the most. i miss those calls dat used to cheer me up and i miss that contact and that relationship which allowed me to call yew names. its too formal nao, dear someone. and i feel lost...

i lied...

nirvana.. i had asked both of them... wud it not be a state of stagnation?? after all, once all desires are fulfilled and u have no more of dreams left to be realized, what wud u live for then? and both of them told me the same thing... that i was crazy and that nirvana wud be a welcome end... i neva agreed...

that day, i had lied. it wud be a welcum end to anything... having all ur dreams realized, all ur wishes cumin true and all ur prayers answered and all the luv i eva wanted... what cud be possibly more ... ahh... relaxing?? pleasing??... FULFILLING... probably more than life itself...

is it my confession time?? mmm... dunno... ive lost sum really amazing people to the winds of time ion the shore of events and on the sands of memories, all that is left, are their foot prints, blown away, slowly, by time... by somebdy else... to all those who have not yet gone away... i lied.