our story...
it all started in good humor... getting tired of lazy boring scraps and then salman zaidi decided to start this... till this day.. its one of the best i eva got :) friend and story, both
salman:thakur ke paas tractor hai, jis main blades hain. blades baray baray hain. thakur apna tractor khud chalata hai. usay bara maza aata hai. jab koi useless baghi thakur se badtameezi karta hai, tau thakur apnay tractor main baith jata hai.fastforward. useless baghi is ten feet under. thakur driving tractor, blades within four inches of useless baghi. suddenly, thakur breaks, switches off engine, dismounts and comes to stand right on top of the useless baghi. asks, ab bolo, jo bola tha.
arooj:baghi neechay se hi aik laat marti hay thakur ko... **a lil below the stomach!!**. thakur starts cursing. all of thakur's servants cum to him and ask him if he is alryt. thakur pushes all of them off..** he is ashamed of wat the baghi has done** during all this commotion, the baghi starts crwaling to one side. it is at that precise moment she starts running like hell. it takes a full minute efore the thakur realizes wat has happened and he starts running after her, followed by his wafadar servants.. he is such a big eediut that he forgets he has a tractor!! and is instead running barefoot!! the baghi then turns around, sways her BEAUTIFUL blackblue hair in the air, shows the thakur her middle finger and says: "ub aa na bachu!"
salman:useless baghi swaying her blueblack hair all over the place, fleeing away. she's looking back at the angry thakur and feeling very happy with her middle finger outstretched high in the air. looking back, running forward. suddenly, SPLOSH. baghi finds herself sitting in a deep naala that flows straight from the thakur's five bathrooms. WTF. outstretched arm with finger duly comes down. happiness is swept away alongwith the lazy currents of excrement. thakur looks. servants look. one cow in nearby field looks. birds also look. and then, uproarious lohter. they loh and loh. they hold their sides and loh. baghi sits in the smooth puddle and broods. blueback hair has streaks of yellow and brown. thakur recovers from funny scene. he comes and duly places a smart slap on baghi's face. FATTAAP. more laughter. thakur asks, yeh karna zaroori tha eediut?
arooj:baghi is very depressed! tears start forming in her eyes, spilling over her cheeks! lillah!! yeh kia ho gaya?!! pooray village ke samnay yeh baisti.. itta bad scene??!! haye bechari! kahani mein hi twist nai aya... life mein bhi aa gaya hay.. thakur aik dum se thinks dat he is THE mighty one.. he is mistaken. gravely. baghi is a very clever bandi. as tears form in he eyes, so does a plan in her mind! aha!! this is how she's goin to react to this utter nonsence. while evribdy is lauhtering, she turns her rather soulful eyes towards the thakur and givs him this wide eyed hurt look! thakur is not impressed. then she bends her head down and starts sobbing! thakur luks a lil pale nao!! "muahahahaaa", she thinks. a lil more shall do the trick! she sobs a lil harder and the thakur turns mustard yellow pale!! baghi puts in a lil more effort in her crying and her body starts shaking, jerking as if frm the sobs... thakur is ready to faint nao. he is deathly pale. he bends down and takes his roomal out. trying to be all civilized nao **asshole!!** he hands it to her. baghi seizes the oppertunity and drags him into the same muddy ganda manda water in which she fell.. thakur is shocked! all lauhter is suddenly ghayab. servents are chup. birds are chup. kids are chup and thakur is chup. even air and bugs are chup! baghi stands up with watever grace she can manage... kiks him on the butt smartly and deftly... **so the nest tym he goes to the loo, he'll know what REAL pain is and starts running... and running.. and running! thakur is stunned. servants are stunned... middle finger is rising again... baghi is nao screaming at the top of her lungs... "oi thakur *swear words*!! teray ghar mein to surf excel bhi nai hay!!!, kaproon se boo kaise jaye gi??"
salman:thakur sits in water, still recovering from shock and embarrassment. so much has happened in those five minutes, he needs to recall what all went between him and baghi. ah yes, baghi had fallen in stream, thereafter gotten slapped, thereafter pulled thakur in the water and shamed him by running away when he, thakur was still admidst the lazy currents of excrement. also, she raised her middle finger and said unrepeatable things. thakur boils with rage. he boils and boils. he looks at his clothes and writhes at baghi's comment on not having surf excel at home. damn. suddenly. idea comes to thakur. he reaches down in his pocket. there is that reassuring feeling of metal. oh yes. meanwhile baghi is running fast fast. baghi has reached the edge of the field where buses come and stand. thakur takes out revolver from his pocket and fires into baghi's backside. DUZZ. DUZZ. DUZZ. one shot sounds like three. hehe. nobody knows how many shots have been fired, but again, as always, silence resumes and only the sound of naala is heard. anyway, more important is the shot which reaches baghi's backside and halts her activity. she falls in a heap at once. dhishhhh. her words are "oh shit." one servant rushes forward to give thakur binoclars, who is still in the stream. thakur takes two long good looks at baghi's red red backside. he grunts satisfaction. hunh. all servants grunt satisfation in the same manner, followed by the cow and four birds. then, in as shrill as a voice could be, he screams to the baghi "meray paas surf excel hai, acha!"
arooj:baghi is down!! lord! the thakur himself is stunned! he was never THAT a good shot... average mebbe..poor really.. but not THIS good... grunts... "bastard", baghi thinks, "arrrgh!", baghi holds her back as she tries to stand up, "huh??!", surprised, it doesnt hurt as much as they show in the hindi pictures ... stands up, still holdin her back, "mmmm??!!"... looks at her hand.. blood is there.. or is it?? takes a closer luk... checks the texture out **she's becumin a fashion major** "ein??" looks coarse.. pasty really... SHE'S NOT THAT FAT dat the blood has thickened to such an extent!! REALLY!!! takes a closer look.. ITS TOMATO PASTE!!!!! GOD IS INDEED B-U-TIFUL!!!!!! thakur is soo pagal dat his servants had stuffed the gun with fake bullets!!! baghi realizes this. "HUH!", she thinks... "DUH??!", thakur exclaims... "OH SHITT!!!", the servants hearts sink... baghi snikers... muahahahahaaaa why do thakur ALWAYS have to be this lame? as usual, the baghi continues her running spree and as usual, everything is stilld, the air... birds hav stoppd chirping suddenly, the river has stilld... THAKUR HAS STILLD!!!!! khekhekheeeee... baghi is till running... she hasnt stilld... muahahahhaaaaaaaa "WHAT IS THIS???", thakur screams, "MERAY KAPRAY BHI GANDAY HOON, MERA GROIN BHI HURT HO, LOAG MUJHAY MIDDLE FINGER BHI DIKHAEEN AUR UPER SE TUM BC MERI GUN MEIN FAKE BULLETS BHI BHAROOOO?????"... "yeh kia baat hue??", thakur is kinda sobbing nao, looking at the baghi making a run fer her life..." baghi keeps on running..."meray paas nike ke jootay hain!!!, baghi screams at the top of her lungs... tumharay paas kia hay oi??" "meray paas.. meray paas... meray paas maan (mommy) hay!!".... DHAAR! DHAZ! a chappal slaps him on his butt... "maan??? ullu kay pathay! ub maa bhi nai hay kuttay"...oh shit! thakur's mommy is here!!! muahahahahaaaa.... thakur is stunned! the servants and that unfateful bird is still stilld! thakur looks at the running form of baghi, nao getting blurrd.. she is entering the bus... her middle finger is still raised up, thakur's groin suddenly starts hurting even more. thakur looks at her, thakur looks at his servants, thakur looks at his mommy, thakur looks at the frozen bird, thakur looks at the chappal... thakur starts crying...
salman:thakur starts crying. he's got ALL the reasons to cry. this last stunt with fake bullets and maan's chappal. it is really getting too much. khair, he cries.the servants feel very bad. they also weep silent silent tears of misery as per hindi tradition. the female ones wipe their tears with the ends of their sari. it is such a tragic scene.meanwhile baghi is sitting in the bus window seat. the bus has started moving. now that she is safe, she picks her nose with relish.suddenly, in the bus, an sms message is received. teenteen, teenteen. for me, thinks everyone in the bus. they all take their mobiles out. baghi doesnt have one, so she doesnt have cause for concern. she takes a fuller dig at her nose. the bus comes to a crashing stop. people fall on their sides. one woman gets two front teeth broken. BC!baghi finds the teeth lying next to her feet. she returns them to the woman. once more, BC!anyhow, the driver cuts back into the crowd from his little seat up front. sunain sab log! iss bus main aik churail hai! churail? what? churail? kya bola, churail? many surprised queries.haan! churail! jisay nazar aye, fauran bataye. hum sab mil kar marain ge. sab mil kar marain ge is repeated by old and young alike, specially the broken toothed woman. little does baghi know that thakur is messaging the bus driver. she is in for the beating of her life. teenteen teenteen! everyone looks for their mobiles again. driver was returning to his seat when another message breaks his stride. suspense. kya?" says driver, reading the screen of his mobile. "uss churail ke baal...blue hain?"all eyes turn towards baghi, who is pasting her nose-dig on the seat, where no one can see. she looks at them. they look at her. teenteen teenteen! "yahi hai" reads the message.they all lunge forward. Broken Teeth grabs her by the hair and drags her out of the bus. "BC, churail! they beat her and pull her legs. they sit on her and fill her mouth with pebbles.they rough her up real proper, urged on by the driver who had seen her nosedigging in the rear view.thakur reaches the scene just as they are about to leave. he is sitting on a horse. he is looking grand. he is smiling. lol. he circles baghi thrice in the very thakur like manner of his film ancestors. he says to baghi "Kyoon, phir Jazz hai na kamaal?"
salman:thakur ke paas tractor hai, jis main blades hain. blades baray baray hain. thakur apna tractor khud chalata hai. usay bara maza aata hai. jab koi useless baghi thakur se badtameezi karta hai, tau thakur apnay tractor main baith jata hai.fastforward. useless baghi is ten feet under. thakur driving tractor, blades within four inches of useless baghi. suddenly, thakur breaks, switches off engine, dismounts and comes to stand right on top of the useless baghi. asks, ab bolo, jo bola tha.
arooj:baghi neechay se hi aik laat marti hay thakur ko... **a lil below the stomach!!**. thakur starts cursing. all of thakur's servants cum to him and ask him if he is alryt. thakur pushes all of them off..** he is ashamed of wat the baghi has done** during all this commotion, the baghi starts crwaling to one side. it is at that precise moment she starts running like hell. it takes a full minute efore the thakur realizes wat has happened and he starts running after her, followed by his wafadar servants.. he is such a big eediut that he forgets he has a tractor!! and is instead running barefoot!! the baghi then turns around, sways her BEAUTIFUL blackblue hair in the air, shows the thakur her middle finger and says: "ub aa na bachu!"
salman:useless baghi swaying her blueblack hair all over the place, fleeing away. she's looking back at the angry thakur and feeling very happy with her middle finger outstretched high in the air. looking back, running forward. suddenly, SPLOSH. baghi finds herself sitting in a deep naala that flows straight from the thakur's five bathrooms. WTF. outstretched arm with finger duly comes down. happiness is swept away alongwith the lazy currents of excrement. thakur looks. servants look. one cow in nearby field looks. birds also look. and then, uproarious lohter. they loh and loh. they hold their sides and loh. baghi sits in the smooth puddle and broods. blueback hair has streaks of yellow and brown. thakur recovers from funny scene. he comes and duly places a smart slap on baghi's face. FATTAAP. more laughter. thakur asks, yeh karna zaroori tha eediut?
arooj:baghi is very depressed! tears start forming in her eyes, spilling over her cheeks! lillah!! yeh kia ho gaya?!! pooray village ke samnay yeh baisti.. itta bad scene??!! haye bechari! kahani mein hi twist nai aya... life mein bhi aa gaya hay.. thakur aik dum se thinks dat he is THE mighty one.. he is mistaken. gravely. baghi is a very clever bandi. as tears form in he eyes, so does a plan in her mind! aha!! this is how she's goin to react to this utter nonsence. while evribdy is lauhtering, she turns her rather soulful eyes towards the thakur and givs him this wide eyed hurt look! thakur is not impressed. then she bends her head down and starts sobbing! thakur luks a lil pale nao!! "muahahahaaa", she thinks. a lil more shall do the trick! she sobs a lil harder and the thakur turns mustard yellow pale!! baghi puts in a lil more effort in her crying and her body starts shaking, jerking as if frm the sobs... thakur is ready to faint nao. he is deathly pale. he bends down and takes his roomal out. trying to be all civilized nao **asshole!!** he hands it to her. baghi seizes the oppertunity and drags him into the same muddy ganda manda water in which she fell.. thakur is shocked! all lauhter is suddenly ghayab. servents are chup. birds are chup. kids are chup and thakur is chup. even air and bugs are chup! baghi stands up with watever grace she can manage... kiks him on the butt smartly and deftly... **so the nest tym he goes to the loo, he'll know what REAL pain is and starts running... and running.. and running! thakur is stunned. servants are stunned... middle finger is rising again... baghi is nao screaming at the top of her lungs... "oi thakur *swear words*!! teray ghar mein to surf excel bhi nai hay!!!, kaproon se boo kaise jaye gi??"
salman:thakur sits in water, still recovering from shock and embarrassment. so much has happened in those five minutes, he needs to recall what all went between him and baghi. ah yes, baghi had fallen in stream, thereafter gotten slapped, thereafter pulled thakur in the water and shamed him by running away when he, thakur was still admidst the lazy currents of excrement. also, she raised her middle finger and said unrepeatable things. thakur boils with rage. he boils and boils. he looks at his clothes and writhes at baghi's comment on not having surf excel at home. damn. suddenly. idea comes to thakur. he reaches down in his pocket. there is that reassuring feeling of metal. oh yes. meanwhile baghi is running fast fast. baghi has reached the edge of the field where buses come and stand. thakur takes out revolver from his pocket and fires into baghi's backside. DUZZ. DUZZ. DUZZ. one shot sounds like three. hehe. nobody knows how many shots have been fired, but again, as always, silence resumes and only the sound of naala is heard. anyway, more important is the shot which reaches baghi's backside and halts her activity. she falls in a heap at once. dhishhhh. her words are "oh shit." one servant rushes forward to give thakur binoclars, who is still in the stream. thakur takes two long good looks at baghi's red red backside. he grunts satisfaction. hunh. all servants grunt satisfation in the same manner, followed by the cow and four birds. then, in as shrill as a voice could be, he screams to the baghi "meray paas surf excel hai, acha!"
arooj:baghi is down!! lord! the thakur himself is stunned! he was never THAT a good shot... average mebbe..poor really.. but not THIS good... grunts... "bastard", baghi thinks, "arrrgh!", baghi holds her back as she tries to stand up, "huh??!", surprised, it doesnt hurt as much as they show in the hindi pictures ... stands up, still holdin her back, "mmmm??!!"... looks at her hand.. blood is there.. or is it?? takes a closer luk... checks the texture out **she's becumin a fashion major** "ein??" looks coarse.. pasty really... SHE'S NOT THAT FAT dat the blood has thickened to such an extent!! REALLY!!! takes a closer look.. ITS TOMATO PASTE!!!!! GOD IS INDEED B-U-TIFUL!!!!!! thakur is soo pagal dat his servants had stuffed the gun with fake bullets!!! baghi realizes this. "HUH!", she thinks... "DUH??!", thakur exclaims... "OH SHITT!!!", the servants hearts sink... baghi snikers... muahahahahaaaa why do thakur ALWAYS have to be this lame? as usual, the baghi continues her running spree and as usual, everything is stilld, the air... birds hav stoppd chirping suddenly, the river has stilld... THAKUR HAS STILLD!!!!! khekhekheeeee... baghi is till running... she hasnt stilld... muahahahhaaaaaaaa "WHAT IS THIS???", thakur screams, "MERAY KAPRAY BHI GANDAY HOON, MERA GROIN BHI HURT HO, LOAG MUJHAY MIDDLE FINGER BHI DIKHAEEN AUR UPER SE TUM BC MERI GUN MEIN FAKE BULLETS BHI BHAROOOO?????"... "yeh kia baat hue??", thakur is kinda sobbing nao, looking at the baghi making a run fer her life..." baghi keeps on running..."meray paas nike ke jootay hain!!!, baghi screams at the top of her lungs... tumharay paas kia hay oi??" "meray paas.. meray paas... meray paas maan (mommy) hay!!".... DHAAR! DHAZ! a chappal slaps him on his butt... "maan??? ullu kay pathay! ub maa bhi nai hay kuttay"...oh shit! thakur's mommy is here!!! muahahahahaaaa.... thakur is stunned! the servants and that unfateful bird is still stilld! thakur looks at the running form of baghi, nao getting blurrd.. she is entering the bus... her middle finger is still raised up, thakur's groin suddenly starts hurting even more. thakur looks at her, thakur looks at his servants, thakur looks at his mommy, thakur looks at the frozen bird, thakur looks at the chappal... thakur starts crying...
salman:thakur starts crying. he's got ALL the reasons to cry. this last stunt with fake bullets and maan's chappal. it is really getting too much. khair, he cries.the servants feel very bad. they also weep silent silent tears of misery as per hindi tradition. the female ones wipe their tears with the ends of their sari. it is such a tragic scene.meanwhile baghi is sitting in the bus window seat. the bus has started moving. now that she is safe, she picks her nose with relish.suddenly, in the bus, an sms message is received. teenteen, teenteen. for me, thinks everyone in the bus. they all take their mobiles out. baghi doesnt have one, so she doesnt have cause for concern. she takes a fuller dig at her nose. the bus comes to a crashing stop. people fall on their sides. one woman gets two front teeth broken. BC!baghi finds the teeth lying next to her feet. she returns them to the woman. once more, BC!anyhow, the driver cuts back into the crowd from his little seat up front. sunain sab log! iss bus main aik churail hai! churail? what? churail? kya bola, churail? many surprised queries.haan! churail! jisay nazar aye, fauran bataye. hum sab mil kar marain ge. sab mil kar marain ge is repeated by old and young alike, specially the broken toothed woman. little does baghi know that thakur is messaging the bus driver. she is in for the beating of her life. teenteen teenteen! everyone looks for their mobiles again. driver was returning to his seat when another message breaks his stride. suspense. kya?" says driver, reading the screen of his mobile. "uss churail ke baal...blue hain?"all eyes turn towards baghi, who is pasting her nose-dig on the seat, where no one can see. she looks at them. they look at her. teenteen teenteen! "yahi hai" reads the message.they all lunge forward. Broken Teeth grabs her by the hair and drags her out of the bus. "BC, churail! they beat her and pull her legs. they sit on her and fill her mouth with pebbles.they rough her up real proper, urged on by the driver who had seen her nosedigging in the rear view.thakur reaches the scene just as they are about to leave. he is sitting on a horse. he is looking grand. he is smiling. lol. he circles baghi thrice in the very thakur like manner of his film ancestors. he says to baghi "Kyoon, phir Jazz hai na kamaal?"
arooj: baghi is down and out. she can see stars infront of her eyes, birdies flying ova her head and the stupid thakur talking abt his stupid connection. "yeh meray saath hi baar baar kyun hota hay?", baghi is saddened. "life me twist kyun aa jata hay?" khair, filhaal baghi ko aur bohat saray kaam hain. sub se pehlay to ussay apni position stable kerni hay. aur us se bhi pehlay ussay zameen se uthna hay! ub to bus bhi ja chuki hay aur kaheen janay ka faida bhi nahi hay. "hmmmmm..." kia kiya jaye??? baghi is deep in thot. meanwhile thakur thinks dat baghi is abt to start her cry-baby session again. he straightens up unconciously on his horse. horse gets tense. winds get tense. the grass gets tense. even thakur's amma gets tense! "haye meray Malik! agr is larki nay rotay rotay meray putar per koi aisa waisa ilzaam laga dia to meri to ijjat hi lutt jaye gi"... and dat is precisely the area baghi is working on... so yes, evrithing is tense ryt nao. the cow munching (rather freely) on the (readily available) grass is also tense. lil bits of (poor) (dead) grass stick to the (rather unappealing) mouth. thakur has no idea what is abt to happen. he is happy with his mobile. he looks at it with all the love in the world, and then gently shifts it to his pocket, afterwards patting on it lightly. "ahhh!! this is life!", the jerk thinks. baghi is ready nao. she has all her wiles ready, just waiting to be put into action. "is salay ki life to mein abhi beautiful banati hun na". she is fuming in revenge nao. the pebbles in her mouth khirich khirich. her eyes hurt frm all that dust, her lenses irreparably damaged! "ub to baba naye nahi lay ker dain gay", she sighs, "unhoon nay pehlay hi kaha tha keh her kissi se fazool mein panga mat lia karo"...baghi starts crying, wohi pehlay ki tarah, a few hickups evolving into heart wrenching sobs. tahkur is umimpressed. he will not fall fer it again. "this is not working", baghi thinks. suddenly she remembers a PTV ka drama and stalling her crying mood fer da tym being, she starts cursing. cursing in urdu and punjabi and english and a lil in arabic and polish. thakur is stunned! amma has civered her ears. the servants mouths gape in astonishment. what is goin on??? thakur's horse stares at baghi, its eyes not blinking, a new level of respect cumin into action. "my my, this girl can certainly hold her own", horse thinks. suddenly horse ko ghairat ati hay. a sissy is sitting on top of it!!!!! nostrils flare. hoofs bounce on the ground. horse shifts his side. the jumps in air. thakur is a real sissy. he cannot hold on. servants see thakur flying in air. amma sees thakur flying in air.amma starts reciting ayat-ul-kursi feverishly. thakur screams.... THUD!!! thakur is on the ground. ladies and gentlemen, we have a touchdown! no more screams. amma's lips stop moving. thakur is spread eagled on the ground, his leg is bent un naturally in a weird position. horse luks at his FORMER master, hmph! cums near the baghi. her cussin and screaming and shouting seem to have gone away miraculously in a matter of seconds. horse (horsi frm nao on) nuzzles her neck. baghi pats its head. then gets up, mounts the horsi. evribdy luks. thakur on the ground luks, amma luks, the cow (forgotten till nao) luks. servants are be-sharam!! they all luk and luk and luk and keep on luking. baghi is the "magnificient" one nao. she digs her heels in the strap, horsi starts moving. wind starts blowing. her blue-black hair luk beautiful in air. she cums near the thakur. spits on his face. false aim. spit hits the ground. spits again. spit hits thakur's arm. SPITS AGAIN!!! ahhhh... satisfaction. spit lands on thakur's frenchi! goo forms! muhahahahhaaaa.baghi luks down her nose, thakur is near tears! "aik aur hand!!" baghi takes out HER mobile! she had it all the tym. dials a number, "hello, THE NEWS?? haan jee aik khabar hay, aaj baghi nay thakur ke saath..." frm ova the horizon a voice is heard to all. "Ufone ke call rates mulk bhar mein sub se kum!" Ufoneeeeee... tum hi to ho!!!!
